Falsestartitis … the infection that halts progress

Are you a victim of falsestartitis (a variation of procrastination)? Do you have plans and dreams and never really see them get off the ground? Do you have a continual need to re-evaluate your position and check everything just one more time? Do you find yourself practically seeking out reasons not to take action? Do you always have an excuse to hand that makes it actually feel perfectly reasonable to bring a halt to all progress … I mean, hey, there’s just one more thing you gotta check, right? I promise … once I’ve checked this I’ll be ready to make a move. Yeah, right …

I hate to tell you this, my friend, but you’ve been bitten by the falsestartitis bug! Don’t worry, that’s just a fancy medical name (that I just made up) for a particular strain of procrastination. It’s not fatal or anything, so you needn’t panic. Except to your dreams and goals, of course. Oh yeah, it’ll kill them stone dead, obviously. They won’t stand an earthly. But hey, that’s the way it goes … collateral damage and all that.

You think these things up and, to be fair, you’re actually very creative at times. You come up with these innovative ideas and you create your plans. Sometimes there’s even a timescale involved, just so there’s that added touch of urgency, and you really do mean to get started. This time. I know, you meant to last time as well. And the time before that. But hey, these are big plans, y’know, and they take some careful consideration. The last thing you’d want to do is rush into anything … who knows what might happen if you take off headlong towards your goal. You could slip and fall and hurt yourself. Or fall into a man-trap, the kind of thing that’s lying around just waiting for an unsuspecting guy to come hurling along, not paying close attention to things, and then … boom! It’s all over! Should’ve been watching what you were doing, huh? So I can understand you being careful. Hey, you don’t want something like that to happen, right?

The secret fail-safe system

So you’ve very carefully developed a fail-safe system of checks and balances, a secret system, and one that absolutely ensures your safety. So secret in fact that most of the time you don’t even realise you’re employing the system – it just kicks in automatically, soon as it detects that you’re up and running (pun intended) and in danger of falling into the Jaws of Death (okay, a man-trap then, but I couldn’t resist … ‘the Jaws of Death’ just sounded a little too nicely melodramatic a phrase to let it slip by).

And so, with this system in place you’re kept safe from ever taking any real risks at all. It’s very comprehensive, prevents you being in all kinds of danger. Sadly, it also ensures that you never, ever get anything off the ground. Oh, any plan you’re working on might fire up and start to gain speed, but then, after a while it’ll cough and splutter a few times before it starts to lose impetus and inevitably start to slow down and come grinding to a halt. Before you know what’s happened you’ll be back where you started. Well almost. Almost, because things will have changed a little.

Procrastination chips away at your self-image

Each time you let the system operate it will drain a little more of your resolve, and chip away a little more at your self-image. You’ll feel less able to rev up your enthusiasm, and eventually there’ll be so little resolve left in your tank that you can’t even raise a spark anymore. That’ll be the end of the entire thing, right there at that point. No matter how creative you might be, once your resolve is totally drained you simply haven’t a hope in hell of raising even a spark, let alone getting off the ground. Any dreams you might have had about launching your latest project will remain just that … dreams. As far as actually going anywhere, it’ll be dead in the water.

Is there any hope of a cure?

A cure? Mmm … a bit early to say. But it’s not looking good, to be honest. The prognosis isn’t at all rosy. If you don’t take some radical steps to combat the virus, chances are your dreams and plans days are just about over.

But hey, where there’s life there’s hope, right? Never say die! The thing is, there is a treatment, but it’s not always successful, so maybe you shouldn’t get your hopes up too much. Because of the nature of the disease there’s always the chance that the subject won’t follow the treatment through to its conclusion, and that could actually aggravate the situation. 

Okay, now before I start to explain the treatment, I have to warn you, and I’ll be a little more specific about the dangers of not finishing the course. Listen carefully now!  If you let yourself get sidetracked during the course of the treatment, it’ll be the virus kicking in. You absolutely have to fight it! Don’t let it dictate how you react. You will want to quit, and you’ll find all kinds of ‘sensible’ reasons to back up that decision, but it’s the virus making you think that way. You have to stay focused and think clearly. Don’t let the virus turn you away from the treatment – that’s it’s way of ensuring its own survival.

A very expensive course of treatment

And decide, even before the treatment starts, that this will be a one-time treatment. I mean, apart from anything else, it’s very expensive. If you let it slide and you slip back into falsestartitis again, it might mean you’ll NEVER achieve your dreams. Now, I’m not sure you fully realise this so I’ll explain very carefully. If you let yourself slip during this treatment and you slip so far back that you have no hope of ever attaining your dreams … listen carefully now … what that means is it will cost you EVERYTHING!

Everything you might have earned through your new ventures … it’s all gone (even before you earned it). Everything, in terms of satisfaction at having achieved your dreams … it’s all gone. Everything, in terms of increased self-satisfaction and improved self-image … it’s all gone. Everything will be forfeit. You’ll never again have the satisfaction of having achieved anything worthwhile. And you’ll know, deep down, that you’ll never get a single project successfully off the ground in the future. That’s why I say it’s a one-time treatment.

The procrastination treatment plan

Okay, here’s what you gotta do. And pin your ears back, this gets kinda complicated :/

You decide on a plan. Don’t care what it is really. At this point it’s not important. Just focus on one thing at a time and decide on a plan to DO SOMETHING. Like I say, doesn’t really matter what it is, but make it something fairly small. Fairly easy and … how can I put this … attainable. Don’t get ambitious. Don’t reach for the stars. Just reach for something you can actually … well, reach.

Write it down (hey, this is important). And write down how you’ll reach it. And how you’ll overcome the problems you’ll face along the way (if you find any, and you always do, right?). Then break it down into smaller parts (don’t forget, write it all down!), and do it again, breaking those parts into smaller ones, so each step is now actually two or three smaller steps. Still with me? Okay. Now you start on Step 1. And you stick with it. NO MATTER WHAT …

Stick with it, and beat procrastination!

You stick with it, and you don’t let go. Remember, there’s a lot riding on this. Don’t let yourself down! Make sure you complete this step, it’s vital. Then you strike a line through that step to show it’s been completed. Now you move on to Step 2. We’re moving forward now, there’s no magic about this, no clever little side-steps or anything. It’s just like Step 1. You tackle Step 2 just the same way, and you KEEP YOUR RESOLVE FIRM. The next step is a little tricky … this is Step 3. Tricky one this, so be careful where you place your feet, wouldn’t want to slip or anything, right? Those man-traps are everywhere!

Actually, that was a bit of a tease; Step 3 is a lot like Step 2, and remarkably similar to Step 1. And the important thing, no, the VITAL thing … is that you have to approach it in just the same way. And remember, strike through where it says ‘Step 3’ in your list, to show you’ve completed it. That’s very important. Helps to reaffirm your resolve.

Step by step towards completion

Carry on just like this, step by step, and remember, this is just like antibiotics … you MUST finish the course for it to be effective. Okay, keep plodding on, regardless of what you might be thinking. I have to warn you, you might see problems appearing all over the place, popping up like nasty little toadstools, and it’ll be only natural to want to stop and take care of them. Listen to me … DON’T DO IT!

These ‘problems’ are just an illusion, a sort of hallucination. They’re the work of the Devil, and they’ve been sent to lure you away from the Path of Righteousness. DON’T LET THEM LURE YOU, BROTHER! Look ’em staight in the eye and say, in your best Charlton Heston voice, “GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN!” Trust me, that’ll see ’em off. They really don’t like being told to get behind thee. Oh, no, they do not like that! Shake your staff at them, if that makes you feel more biblical. Whatever works for you.

Now then, as long as you don’t stray from the Path of Righteousness you should find yourself in uncharted waters before long. It’ll seem strange at first and you’ll feel a bit queasy, and you might want to turn back, but hold fast … you’re just approaching the end of this particular task, that’s all it is. I know, it’s a new and strange feeling, getting to the end of a task, and one you’re not really familiar with. But it’ll become easier with time, don’t worry. Now, without straying either left or right, carry straight on and pass the finish line. You will have achieved something right there, maybe not something huge, but something of vital importance. It will help pave the way for much more significant breakthroughs in the near future. And because of that, this little victory is actually a BIG VICTORY.

Strike through the last step, and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Give yourself a hearty slap on the back, if you’re feeling a bit contortionistic. Notice how good it feels! Well, maybe not the slap, but the rest of it. And notice how the sky didn’t fall in or anything. Cool, huh? All those things that might’ve happened if you hadn’t taken care of all those little ‘problems’ … they didn’t happen at all … did you notice that?

Don’t fall prey to the work of the Devil!

They were just as illusory as the man-traps themselves. See, that’s the thing with falsestartitis, it’s mostly just hallucinatory, but the effects of it are very real. If you can see it for what it is, and this treatment will help you do just that, then you’ve milked the poison out of the beast. It can try to attack at any time in the future (and it will try, you can count on that), but the poison’s been drawn out of it now. Because you’ve seen it unmasked, and it’s nothing at all really. It’s just a toothless beast, and you can vanquish it in a matter of seconds, just as soon as it shows its face.

So if you feel you can do it, I urge you to take this opportunity to tackle this infection. It makes an appearance as a sly and destructive beast, but now you’ve seen its true nature. You’re forearmed with the knowledge of how to beat it. The treatment has been laid before you, and it’s … well, to be frank, it’s er … well okay, it’s ridiculously easy. But be aware, if you stray from the Path, it can have you, just as surely as it has in the past.

Stick to the treatment plan to the letter. DO NOT deviate from it. Keep your wits about you. And if you do that, and if you hold fast to your resolve to beat this thing once and for all, I foresee brighter days ahead for you.

Oh yes … you can do this! With the right treatment, I feel sure you can. I have faith in you. I believe in you. You’re truly amazing … and you can do this. You absolutely can!