Try to do better …

So … you’re running a blog? … about personal development and stuff …

Eh? Oh … yeah, that’s right. That’s what it says at the top, anyway. Why? Why d’you ask?

Well … I thought you’d have something to say, y’know … with it being New Year an ‘all … I looked in once or twice and I didn’t see anything.

Oh … I see what you mean.

[smirking] You haven’t thought this through, have you?? You’d have something all ready to put up on your blog if you’d … nah … you haven’t really— … I mean, you haven’t prepared anything … have you?

Well … been a bit busy over Christmas. I was going to write something, you know, something motivational, or, you know, something to er, make you think …

Like, inspirational? That what you mean?

That’s it, inspirational. That’s the word I was looking for, yeah.

[feeling clever now] You’re not very good at this … are you? [smirks again] I mean, I thought you’d have a list of things, sort of resolutions and stuff… and advice … you should have some advice ready, that’d go down well … [sighs] … honestly, this isn’t good enough. You should have something prepared. A good blogger would have something ready … something all prepared, and he could just, y’know, churn it out for the readers. And it’d make him look good, kinda professional.

Well, like I said, busy. Holiday time and all that, always lots to do. I could write something and put it on the blog later … that’s probably what I’ll do, I’m glad you mentioned it actually, I hadn’t really got round to it. I’ll write a blog post, when I get time to think about it, and I’ll put it on the—

[sounding shocked] What, when you get time? Oh, come on! That’s not how you run a blog! You should have it all ready, mate, all written and stored away somewhere, in Word or somethin’ … or OneNote …

[starting to sound annoyed] Look, I’ll do it now, alright? I’ll write it now and put it up on the blog. Just give me fifteen minutes or so, I can rattle a blog post out pretty quick once I get an idea, and all it takes is—-

Forget it! I’m not waiting fifteen minutes. You should have had something prepared. This is rubbish! You haven’t got a clue … write somethin’ now … you’re a blogger … go on, write something right now, off the cuff … a good blogger’d be able to do that … what’s your excuse?

Er … okay … look, I haven’t really got time to write anything now, but I’ll just say, if you want to make this a good New Year, then … er … then try to do better this year. That’s it, yeah, and make 2016 a better year all round.

[after a long pause] What?! Is that it? Try to do better!! Are you havin’ a laugh?

Look … I know, sounds a bit lame … a bit ridiculous! “Try to do better!” … it sounds like something a teacher would write across your homework. Not much use to anyone, as far as advice goes. Right up there with “Try harder!”. [putting on a voice] Oh, thanks for that, I never thought of that as an option. “Try harder” … yeah, that’s what I’ll do, and then everything’ll be fine. An’ here’s me, trying so hard my teeth were bleeding and still I was getting absolutely nowhere, but obviously … yeah, obviously, I slipped up and forgot that wonderful advice, to try harder. Never thought of that! Thanks so much for your insightful comment, much appreciated, I’m sure.

Alright, calm down! [long pause] Okay, so what’s all this about try harder, or try to do better? Are you serious? Is that actually supposed to be helpful? I mean, come on … Really?

Just try to do better. Yeah, I know, sounds a bit pathetic, and as far as advice goes it’s … well, not much really. But still … try harder.

Aw, c’mon … I think you better try harder, mate! There’s gotta be more to it than that … there has to be, right?

Okay … I suppose what I’m getting at is this: be prepared, on a moment by moment basis, to change your attitude. I mean, unless you’re totally well balanced and practically in line for sainthood, there’s room for improvement. Well, there is, isn’t there … admit it. There’s always room for improvement.

So you’re saying, just keep improving, is that it?

Kind of.

[sighs] And you reckon that’s really gonna help?

Okay, say you’re in a queue and the lady at the till is bogged down trying to sort out a customer’s problem. The customer’s brought something back to exchange it and there’s some problem with the till, all this wonderful technology’s failed and left her high and dry. The refund won’t go through, for whatever reason. And you’re getting impatient, really pissed off. She’s called a supervisor, but it’s still taking forever. You’re muttering about how long it’s taking. You feel like throwing your stuff down and storming out. You can feel your tension levels rising, along with your blood pressure …

[muttering] I know the feeling …

‘Course you do. We all do. But see, this is an opportunity to change the way you view things. For example, try to see it from the viewpoint of the sales assistant. She’s trying her best to sort out the customer’s problem. The till won’t authorise a refund, although she’s done everything right, I mean, she’s checked it again and again, and now the customers are all starting to get impatient. And making it pretty obvious!

Yeah, that’d be me …

So as soon as you shift your perspective and view it from the sales assistant’s point of view, you start to calm down.

But it’s not my fault there’s a problem with the till.

It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. There’s a fault. Stop looking for someone to blame.

[pause] Yeah … well …

See … you can’t even come up with an argument against that.

But I can’t spend the rest of my life seeing everything from someone else’s point of view!

Why not?

Well, what about me? What about my point of view? I’ve been standing in this queue for —-

Hang on, it’s not all about you! And anyway, as long as seeing it from someone else’s perspective calms you down, does it even matter anymore that you’ve been kept waiting? It’s not life and death. You’re in a queue in a shop, for Christ’s sake!

[reaching for an argument] Well … say I was due at the airport in about half an hour and I’m stuck here, stuck in a queue, and nothing’s —

Are you?

What?

Due at the airport?

No, obviously, I’m just saying …

No, what you’re doing is justifying. You feel bad that you’re stuck in a queue and you’re finding ways to justify feeling badly done to. You’re angry and you want a way out of feeling responsible for allowing yourself to get all worked up over something trivial.

But say I was flying out in an hour or so …

But you’re not! What, you got some important international appointment to keep? [his turn to smirk] Look, don’t keep creating ways to be angry. It’s pointless!

Well … so, I’m supposed to just stand there?

You’re standing there anyway! This way, you’re standing there relaxed. All your tension’s gone and you’ve calmed down, and you’re just waiting patiently. You might even start to feel some sympathy for the assistant. I mean, she’s doing her best …

Yeah, I’m sure she is —

Me too. So give her some credit. Give her a break. She has to put up with situations like this all day, every day. Show a bit of compassion. Imagine how bad she feels. Tell her there’s no panic. See if you can put her at her ease.

Really? I should do that?

She’ll feel a lot better if someone does. And you’ll feel better too. [allows himself a laugh] Even if it’s because you just feel a bit saintly! … See, you’re smiling now … the tension’s gone. A minute ago you were all worked up and all I said was “You’re stuck in a queue and there’s a problem with the till”. You got all worked up and tense. It was just an imaginary situation and you couldn’t even talk about it sensibly at first, you were just so angry … now all that anger’s dissipated.

[pause] I do feel better, I suppose …

‘Course you do! Don’t be so grudging about it! You’ve taken all the tension out of the situation. You’ve made the assistant feel more at ease. The customer, she must have felt pretty bad too, it was kinda her fault that the whole queue was held up, she must’ve felt lousy … she feels a bit better now …

I suppose.

So that’s all I’m saying. Try to do better. Look for opportunities to do something to make things go a little easier for people. Or for yourself. Lots of times the two go together. You help someone feel a bit better and you automatically feel better yourself. Win-win situation.

I suppose it is.

So that little piece of advice I offered … it wasn’t meant to wind you up. It wasn’t meant to sound trite or obvious. I was just saying, if you can watch out for situations where you can change things for the better a little bit, or take the tension out of a situation, or put someone at their ease … well, it can make a tremendous difference in someone’s day.

[sighs] I suppose you’re right. I’ll keep it in mind.

That’s all I’m saying. That’s exactly what I’m saying – keep it in mind. And when a situations crops up, think “How can I calm this down … what can I do to improve this … how can I take the heat out of this situation?” It’s surprising how often you can do that and make things a little easier with just a few words. Or maybe even just a smile. Even just relaxing and saying nothing … even that can influence someone near you to relax and calm down. It’s contagious.

Just the same way when someone starts to get loud and argumentative, that situation can quickly get out of hand. First someone else starts to raise their voice or join in with the complaining, then it escalates, and before you know what’s happened you’ve practically got a riot on your hands.

[starting to see the funny side of it] Well I don’t think it would get that bad … I was only trying to pay for a newspaper …

Yeah, right [smiles] … but you take my point, yeah?

S’pose so. Like I said, I’ll keep it in mind … it does sound like corny advice though … I mean … “Try to do better!” … c’mon, that’s a really terrible opening line.

Yeah, true. But you’re just determined to find fault with something! You’re right though, it was a lousy opener. Still, once I started I did find something to say, you have to admit?

[smiles, grudgingly] Okay, fair point … but call yourself a blogger and you haven’t even got something ready and in the bag for New Year … what are you thinking??

Hey, stop complaining! You’re starting to raise my blood pressure now!