I’m not going to start telling you how you can easily overcome your phobia. If I could do that I’d probably be making a handsome living treating people who’ve suffered for decades with crippling phobias, not just talking about it. But I can tell you about mine. And that might help.

What exactly are phobias?

Phobias are much more common than you might imagine. Most people don’t admit to being phobic about something for fear of ridicule, so it’s not something you hear about very often. But it’s very widespread. And people can have a morbid fear of almost anything, not just the few that get all the attention. We’ve all heard about arachnophobia (fear of spiders), claustrophobia (fear of closed spaces), agoraphobia (fear of open spaces), acrophobia (fear of heights), and a few others, but the list of phobias is virtually endless. If you’d like to take a look at a list someone tried to put together, check out this page. It even includes phobophobia, the fear of phobias! I guessed it might, so I checked, and yes, it’s on the list. Can’t help thinking some of these are just words people have come up with for phobias they imagine must exist, without any proof that they actually do (such as dextrophobia – fear of objects at the right side of the body, or epistaxiophobia – fear of nosebleeds, or genuphobia – fear of knees … do these really exist??).

In my case it was one of the commonest. I was freaked out by spiders. And that one is a perfect example of something you don’t talk about, because the last thing you want to do is admit to the fear, or give someone the opportunity to try to make you the butt of their fun, when they suddenly and hilariously put you in a face-to-face confrontation with a spider. So there I was, a fully grown man, over six feet tall, and careful to hide the fact that spiders freaked me out. I lived with that phobia for a long, long time, and I never thought it would go away. But it has, or at least to a great extent. I still get shocked for a moment if I suddenly catch a glimpse of a spider, but then the fear subsides almost instantly and it doesn’t bother me anymore. That’s a huge difference to the way it used to be. Years ago I couldn’t even stay in the same room as a spider, even a tiny one. I wasn’t too thrilled about even staying in a room with a dead one, as a matter of fact.

So that’s arachnophobia. I know people generally aren’t too thrilled to see a spider, the fear of them is very widespread, but for most people it’s not actually a phobia, more a dislike, even a revulsion, but not a morbid fear to the extent that even seeing a picture of a spider would bring you out in a cold sweat. I was definitely at the phobic end of the scale, nowhere near the dislike end. It was a very real fear for me. And now it’s virtually gone. I know a lot of people suffer this phobia, so maybe you can relate to it. Either way, if you have a morbid fear of anything, maybe this article will help you come to terms with it.

How to tackle a phobia

Like I said, I’m not going to try to tell you how to easily get over a phobia. It’s not that easy. But I can give you some tips that might help.

Try to understand the phobia
If you understand why you’re freaked out by something, that in itself can make a big difference. It’s just being freaked out for no apparent reason that’s so disabling. It leaves you feeling powerless.

Try to understand the object of your fear
The more you understand the thing you’re freaked out by, the less power it has over you. You might even get to appreciate it. I’d go as far as saying you might even get to like it, even if only in a grudging sort of way.

Try to actually face your fear
Easier said than done! Actually, with certain phobias, it’s not as ridiculous as it sounds; if horses freak you out, for example, you could go somewhere there are horses (a farm, for example), and you could put yourself in a perfectly safe position (i.e. not too close to a horse), but able to confront your fear (i.e. close enough to see one fairly close up, but from behind a fence, for example).

That would apply to lots of phobias. It didn’t apply to spiders, at least not for me. There was nowhere I could imagine where I could get close (but only safely close!) to spiders … one would just suddenly appear from time to time, so it wasn’t really a situation I could control in any way at all. It would just happen and my reaction would always be the same – horrified!

So, there are three things you could apply to any phobia:

1 – Be logical and try to understand it, without letting just the thought of it freak you out.
2 – Investigate it and see if the thing itself has any redeeming qualities.
3 – Try to get close to the object of your fear, if only from a safe distance.

If you do these three things, in many cases the phobia will start to lose its sting. Its power over you will be drained away and it will become something you just find distasteful or unpleasant, not frightening.

Could this work?

And why am I so sure this simple approach could work for you? Because it worked for me, that’s why. I was fed up with the whole business of allowing a phobia to dominate me, so I started to think about it. Quite a lot actually. Should have done it a lot sooner. It didn’t take me long to start to view spiders in a new light.

Instead of seeing them as some sort of freakish, malevolent beasts (alright then, tiny beasts), I had to admit that they were kinda fascinating creatures, all things considered. And I had to admit that they weren’t threatening or nasty at all really – on the contrary, they don’t have any interest in humans, as far as I can tell, and won’t go out of their way to cause anyone any harm. In fact, they’ll do all they can to keep a very low profile and just get on with their work.

And speaking of their work, that’s interesting too, to say the least. They use their silk, which they synthesise in their own bodies, for various things; to construct elaborate webs in order to catch prey, to bind it tightly to keep it from harming them, to take flight (Don’t panic! They do this merely to move from one place to another, and have even been known to migrate to islands on the wind), and they exude silk as a dragline to make a hasty escape from predators. And according to Wikipedia, “a dragline silk’s tensile strength is comparable to that of high-grade alloy steel, and about half as strong as Aramid filaments, such as Twaron or Kevlar”. Pretty cool stuff, to be able to create your own super-strong climbing rope and to be able to use it to create intricate webs to ensnare your prey, or beat a hasty retreat.

And I’ve long been fascinated by how well they’ve evolved, even when they freaked me out in a big way. I mean, look at all those legs! I know, that’s probably one of the most ‘freakish’ things about them, but seriously, if I was involved in designing a vehicle to use on the Moon or Mars I would definitely consider something along the lines of a spider-like creation. The passenger compartment would be the ‘ body’ of the spider, and the legs would be hydraulically powered and independently controlled. That vehicle would be incredibly stable, and it would be able to negotiate the most uneven terrain.

In a rock-strewn landscape where no wheeled vehicle would be of much use, a spider-like vehicle would be perfect. You could place one foot at a time gently on a chosen spot and test for stability before committing. As you steadily apply pressure you’d still be quite safe if the rock beneath the foot slid or gave way, since you’d still have seven other legs firmly planted in place. Perfect!

So realising all this really did let me see spiders in a totally different way. Oh, and another thing I picked up from somewhere was to imagine them in a visually less threatening way, even looking quite funny or dainty. It’s not necessarily easy for an arachnophobe to do that, but with a bit of imagination and a willingness to think about these things that have for so long seemed malevolent and frightening, it can be done.

Any time I came across a spider I tried to imagine it wearing a little top hat and with a bored expression on its face. I imagined it was just going about its business (with its hat on!), and being totally unconcerned about me. That worked pretty well – actually giving it a more relaxed demeanour as opposed to the one I’d formerly given it (quite without any basis in fact) made them seem much more approachable. I can’t say I’m totally at ease in the company of spiders, but they don’t really bother me anymore. And strangely, the really big ones, tarantulas, don’t seem to be a problem for me. Given the opportunity, I’d be quite willing to carefully make the acquaintance of a tarantula.

The root cause of the phobia

Now if spiders were really dangerous creatures and were known to have a liking for human flesh, then it would be totally understandable that lots of us have arachnophobia. It would just be an example of how nature selects the more cautious individuals to live longer and procreate, so it would be a sensible survival trait. But they’re not dangerous, they’re harmless, generally speaking. So how come I was ever phobic about them in the first place?

Well, if my mother had been an arachnophobe I would have probably learned that behaviour from watching her reaction to spiders. But I don’t ever remember my mother being afraid of anything much, to be honest. With all that she’d had to put up with in her life I should think a spider would be way down her list of things to worry about. So where did the fear come from? Mmm … it’s a mystery …

The mystery solved!

Actually, no … it’s not a mystery at all. I can tell you exactly how the phobia originated. When I was just three or four years old two older siblings, a brother and sister, thought it would be fun to scare the hell out of me. They used to get a kid’s encyclopaedia, a really interesting book, and turn the pages slowly and tell me about all the interesting things pictured there (I can still visualise some of them). And then, suddenly (and I do mean suddenly) they’d flip a certain page and it would be filled with images of all kinds of spiders! And they’d tease me, telling me the spiders were coming for me, and describing how creepy and nasty they were, and how they’d crawl all over me and so on. Typical kids’ stuff, and they didn’t mean any harm. They just got a kick out of scaring me because I was younger than they were, and kids love to pick on littler kids, that’s just the way it’s always been.

What made it worse was they repeated the performance several times because … well, because it was so successful (and gave them such a buzz!). I mean, it worked! I was totally freaked out. So they’d do it the next day, and maybe a week later, and then, weeks later when I’d forgotten all about it, they’d be there again with the book. And I, like the innocent kid I was, would fall for it all over again. Oh, the laughs …

Like I said, they didn’t mean any harm by it, but if they had wanted to create a life-long phobia they were going about it in precisely the right way. They were causing a shock response, based on spiders, and literally shoving it (the images in the book, that is) in my face. And then repeating the whole process again and again. What a great way to create a phobia! It couldn’t fail (and it didn’t). They took something essentially harmless and associated it, repeatedly, with shock and fear.

If you have a phobia, try these tips …

If there’s something you’ve got an unreasonable fear of, don’t just leave it to fester. If you do nothing, nothing will change. That’s the sad truth. If you want to see a change, you have to do something. So try some of these tips, and you might be surprised how effective they can be.

Use logic. Start with a list. Write down all the things about your phobia, all the things that shock you, or frighten you. Write down exactly what it does to you. Does it shock you? Does it make you feel sick? Does it throw you into a panic attack? Be precise! Get it all down on paper (or on-screen). Tell yourself you’re going to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

See if the situation has any redeeming qualities. Like I tried to make spiders more interesting and less threatening, see if you can do the same. If you’re frightened of heights, for example, imagine how good it would be to be able to stand on the roof of a tall building and enjoy the feeling of being way up there, almost in the clouds, and yet totally safe. Imagine the feeling of being isolated and not bothered by anyone. Imagine the feeling of freedom.

If you’re afraid of cats, imagine how nice it would be to let a cat snooze on your lap without freaking out. Cats have no interest in harming anyone (that would interfere with their sleeping, for one thing!). I know that sounds like no help to you now, if you’re phobic about them, but try to see them for what they are … animals almost totally focused on eating, playing (specially when they’re young), stalking or hunting (when they’re older, and usually only birds and mice, that type of prey, so no threat to you), and sleeping (lots and lots of sleeping, whatever age they are … they spend most of their day flat out and utterly harmless to anyone, even to a mouse strolling past them, or a bird landing a few feet away).

Imagine yourself in a close encounter with the object of your phobia, but dealing with it really well. Imagine touching or holding a spider (don’t freak out, it’s just in your imagination). Imagine letting a cat curl up on your lap. Imagine climbing out of the top floor onto the roof and enjoying the view, and the clearer air, and the stillness, a couple of hundred feet above all the traffic chaos below.

The key thing here is to imagine yourself dealing with it really well. This is so powerful, because you can do this easily, and very successfully, once you accept that it’s just happening in your imagination. You can handle snakes, you can go up twenty floors in an elevator, you can give a speech to an eager and interested audience, you can tell jokes to a group of friends, you can go out and meet people, you can use a computer, you can pet a dog, you can stroll in a thunderstorm, you can swim underwater, you can … you can do anything. Because this is just in your imagination, and it’s totally safe and under your control. And if you can imagine it, it prepares you for the real thing.

If you skip this step you’re making it much, much harder for yourself. If you can’t even imagine doing the thing that scares you, there’s really not much chance of you doing it for real. I mean, is there, really? It all starts in the imagination. In fact, the phobia itself probably started in your imagination (mine certainly did, although I didn’t put it there myself, at least not willingly).

Next, take every opportunity to come face-to-face with your fear. Now that you can, in your imagination, make progress, it’s time to make what you imagined meet the real world. Get closer to a cat, perhaps reach out and just touch it. Step inside an elevator, even (and specially) if there’s no-one else around, and even if you just step inside and stay there for a few seconds, with the door held open. Tell a joke, even if it’s to just one or two people, and even if it’s only a one-liner. Ask someone if you can use their computer and get them to show you how to send an email, or how to search Google. Visit the public baths, even if you just sit on the side the first time with your feet in the water.

Get the point? Make progress, no matter how small, no matter how slow. Make an effort to move towards being fear-free, bit by bit. I found this hard, because there aren’t many opportunities to get close to spiders or to handle them – they just seem to appear from time to time, and very suddenly (or so it appeared to me) so it’s not easy to gradually get used to them. That doesn’t apply to most phobias. Usually you can get close to the object of your fear and turn the tables a bit … instead of it kinda stalking you, you can creep up on it and take it by surprise!

The power of a phobia

A phobia has power over you because of what it is. It’s a baseless fear, a morbid fear, even a terror. It can strike you almost immobile and shocked to the core. And because of this there seems to be no way to deal with it. It starts by making you feel totally powerless, and then it keeps that power over you by the simple expedient of not letting you think about it logically.

You can start to gradually reduce the power of a phobia by taking a step back. You know it causes you to go into shock, so right now, while you’re not in a state of shock, start thinking about tackling your phobia. Start that list I mentioned. Write down exactly how it makes you feel, and try to get to the bottom of where all that fear came from. And start using your imagination the correct way, the constructive way.

Use your imagination constructively

Your imagination is at the heart of your phobia, whatever it may be. You imagine all kinds of terrible things, you literally create your own fear in your mind. While other people keep cats as pets you’re scared of them. That’s ridiculous! While other people can enjoy a trip to the baths, you’re terrified of water. Ridiculous! While other people are relaxed in company, you come out in a cold sweat even thinking about a situation like that. Ridiculous!

I don’t mean to minimise the fear you have; it’s a very real fear, I totally understand that. But it’s ridiculous that you can’t handle things in life that most other people cope with fairly easily. And you know it’s ridiculous! And you don’t want to carry on being the odd one out, being a victim of your own wild, unfettered imagination. You want to put an end to all this, and as quickly as possible.

So use your power, the power of your imagination. Instead of letting it create this bogus fear, use it constructively, and in such a way that you gradually become familiar with the object of your phobia, and eventually become relaxed in its presence. You have the power to change things, and nobody else can change them for you.

Start today to change things, using the power of your mind. Use logic, as I’ve explained, and use your imagination to visualise being in full control. And don’t think you can’t visualise – it’s visualising that got you in this situation in the first place! You visualised all kinds of horrific outcomes in perfectly normal situations, so it stands to reason you can use the same power to reverse the process, right?

You CAN do it! And the way to do it is to start right now!

 

PLEASE NOTE: I didn’t include any images of spiders in this post. When I was still phobic about them that would have been enough to make me give this page a wide berth!