New Year, time to shed that weight

It’s that time of year again, when you take a long, hard look at the weight you’re carrying around. And you’re carrying a lot of weight around, more than you can imagine. I’m not just talking about a few extra pounds round your middle, I’m talking about a whole heap of non-physical baggage, that is weighing you down more than you know. I’m talking about emotional weight.

You worry about your physical appearance. You’re too fat. Or you’re too skinny. You’re not pretty. Or you’re never taken seriously because you’re really attractive. You’re aware of some physical shortcomings that just drive you mad; your nose is too big, or your ears stick out a bit, or your feet are just somehow not quite right, or your knees … We’re all guilty of it. We beat ourselves up over all these imagined faults, and it doesn’t help us one little bit. And this is just our physical appearance!

We’re very critical … mostly of ourselves

We’re also hyper-critical of the way we perform as we go through life. We’re not achieving enough. Or we’re not recognised for our many unsung achievements. We’re aware we are too critical of others, and lack compassion. Or we’re aware we can be too easily influenced by the plight of others, making us a ‘soft touch’. We’re carrying guilt over things we did years ago. And the fact that there were things we should have done, but didn’t. We have a past littered with screwed up relationships. Or we have a past with too few relationships, and we just know we missed the boat.

We could have done so much better, career-wise. We could have done so much better in terms of prosperity. We made bad decisions, and we have to live with the results of them. We’re still making bad decisions now, that’s probably why we’re not our ideal weight. Or why we’re not in our ideal relationship. It probably accounts for us being stuck in a job we hate, and living in circumstances we just know are below the standard we deserve.

The guilt just keeps piling up. Guilt from having done the wrong things, or having missed opportunities when we should have grasped them. And it’s not just guilt. We’re embarrassed at some of our failings. And some of the mistakes we’ve made. It goes deeper than that – we’re ashamed of ourselves. We failed miserably, time and time again, and we failed others that were depending on us. We could have done so much better, and it’s a shaming experience to look back on everything that’s happened.

What can be done about it?

For a start, stop looking back! If you’re trying to move forward and you’re constantly looking backward, you’re either not going to reach your destination because you end up so off-track, or you crash and burn. It’s a simple fact of life. You see it every day when you’re walking. Keep twisting and turning to see what’s behind you and you end up bumping into people or tripping over your own feet. Do it when you’re driving and you’re really playing with fire!

The simple answer to that situation is to stop looking back. It’s so simple in physical terms, because we learn it early on. We learn that you have to stay alert to what’s going on around you and ahead of you, otherwise you’re in trouble. Yet we fail to apply that simple rule to our emotional lives. We constantly return to the scenes of our worst failings, like a dog to its vomit, and the results are just as unsavoury.

Look into the past … one last time

We need to leave the past where it is, and where it belongs, in the past. Hey, that’s why it’s called the past … because it’s passed! Look at it, go on, take one last glance, see it receding into the distance? There it goes, fading and diminishing with every second, disappearing into the murky regions we call the past. It can’t affect you anymore. It’s dead and gone. It has no power over you. Unless you choose to lend it some, by shining your attention on it.

Focus, instead, on your future, and on this very moment. Be present in the now, which in truth is the only real time we have any access to. We can’t change the things that have happened in the past (although we can change our attitudes to them, or our feelings about them). And we can’t change the future, except by changing our now, since that’s what our future is made of.

So the answer, in a nutshell, is that we need to focus on the present moment and stop wasting our time and energy staring into the past. No good can come of that! It’s a fundamentally futile pastime. Realise that the only time we have available to us, in a very real sense, is this very moment. Our now is our only time. Our past is gone. Our future is still malleable and unformed. Our now, unlike any other time, is very much under our control. We can change our now, this very moment, by taking charge of it and making of it what we choose.

You haven’t had great relationships in the past? Start making some now! You made some lousy career decisions in the past, and that landed you in a job you despise? Make some better decisions now, and determine that your future will be better. You didn’t grasp opportunities and failed to reach your potential in the past? Grasp opportunities now, right now! Make your future something to be proud of!

But it’s too late for me!

It’s not too late. Are you still breathing? Are you still waking up each morning? Are you still able to think, and act, and make decisions? Then it’s not too late.

It’s only ever too late if you decide it is. And that is the ultimate bad decision. If you decide it’s too late to enter into a beautiful relationship, or to get in great physical condition, or to become wealthy, or to work in some field that gives you a sense of real fulfilment, then it really is too late for you. But you never need to make that decision. You know you can do better. You can change. You can adapt. You can learn. That’s what makes us successful as human beings, that ability to adapt to anything and to make the most of any situation.

So come on then, how can I drop this heavy weight?

Good question? So glad you asked that, because it’s important, no, it’s vital, that you put down that overpowering weight you’re carrying before you can really move on. Imagine it like a stone tablet, two feet by three, and it’s hanging round your neck, and all your supposed faults and failings and disappointments are engraved on it in tiny letters. Over the years you’ve been laboriously carving out these terrible faults, and making that stone tablet gradually more and more real. And more and more heavy.

You are literally carrying the weight of your own imagined shortcomings, and faults, and failings, and disappointments, and you’ve been adding to them carefully, and attentively, and studiously, as though your life depended on it. Realise right now that you can be freed from that weight. Accept that one of the worst decisions you ever made was to devote yourself to this quest to painstakingly memorialise your inadequacies, and to carry the evidence of them with you wherever you go.

Imagine how amazing it would feel to be able to put down that stone tablet. Imagine lifting the strap that holds it round your neck and setting it down on the ground. Imagine being able to breathe easier. Imagine how much easier it would be to walk on now, unhindered and free.

You can do it!

You don’t have to just imagine it, you can do it! Settle yourself down in your comfiest chair, get yourself really relaxed, and just close your eyes. Take a nice deep breath. Now visualise yourself struggling as you try to move forward in life, straining under the weight of that damned stone tablet. Feel the strap cutting into your neck. Feel the weight of the stone dragging you down and bending your spine forward. And know that it is the weight of all those failings etched into the stone that is causing all the discomfort and pain.

Now make the decision. Decide to let it go, once and for all. You’re going to stoop down, take the strap from round your neck and lay that stone tablet on the ground. Go on, do it! Feel the rush of relief flooding your entire body as you stand up straight, totally free from that awful weight for the first time in years!

Wow! It’s an astonishing feeling of relief. You know instinctively this will improve your breathing, improve your posture, improve your flexibility, and improve your general health. You know for a fact that you’re moving forward easier now, faster, more confidently than you could ever imagine. It’s been so long since you felt this good that it’s not just a nice feeling, it’s totally exhilarating!

That’s how good it feels to drop that weight! And dropping that weight means you can more easily, and almost automatically, drop that unwanted physical weight too, if that’s been a problem for you. You’ll more easily make the right dietary and exercise decisions now, because you no longer feel encumbered and weighed down by all those imagined faults and trapped into making bad decisions. You’ll feel lighter and more confident now. You’ll be more relaxed and more at peace. You’ll move forward easily, almost gliding along, now that the weight has been lifted from you.

Is this for real?

I know, you think this can’t last, right? It feels too good to be true. Don’t worry, you can do this simple exercise any time you feel like, and put down any weight you’ve recently been adding. Because that’s what we do, we carry on adding more emotional baggage, until we finally break the habit. But we can just repeat this mental exercise from time to time, and offload the weight in a matter of a few minutes, painlessly.

And why wouldn’t we? Would you talk to anyone else the way you’ve been talking to yourself? Would you dream of being that critical to a friend? You’ve said some terrible things to yourself, hurtful and demeaning things, and this is a way to undo all the damage it’s caused.

So go ahead, repeat this simple exercise any time you feel the need,
and put down that weight you’ve been carrying for so long, and struggling with.
You’ll feel so much better without it!